Is anyone as tired as I am

Another night stretching into the early hours. I'm left feeling no better today than any other day. Still not tired, I have no idea why this bout of insomnia has hit me. These last few weeks have stretched on and on, the days have kinda merged into one horrible dream. I'm so spaced out and distant. I'm lonely. I have been watching so many films, old films, new films.. I'm on a indie rom/com  hype too (Good Will Hunting, Garden State, Punch, Drunk, Love) Its refreshing to come away from a film feeling something different, changing gear as it were. I think I'm getting soft again. The thought of being with someone has seemed like a dangerous possibility these last couple of years but now, not so much. But the one thing I dream of, is a dog to keep me company. A little buddy to talk to and walk and go out for little adventures with. Each day won't be long and tedious and all about my feelings. There will be a new center to my universe.I have already decided he will be named Rufus. Hopefully once I'm feeling better and able to hold down a job I can start saving.
Every night I relive the same scenes of my past, what would I do or say different. How would I better myself. But what does it really matter the past is the past. I'm sure those who have hurt me and I hurt them don't think about me. Anyway I can't concentrate anymore. I wonder if anyone will read this, or will this be another hollow call into the void.

Struggle of an old man sat on a bench

We don't just die
It takes longer
there's no sweet release
depending on how long it takes to be found
dead
dead found on the toilet
discovered under the sheets
under a bridge
down alley ways or behind bins
whatever
we're buried by our loved ones
burnt to nothing
turned to dust
some left to fester
rot and return to mush and dirt
walking away
there part done
no blood on their hands

We don't just die
once former loves
those that loathed us
forget.
Then we sale our ship
looking out to sea

Our mind keeps dreams in tiny glass bottles with holes in.

It's a crazy feeling that I can recall certain moments from my life, with such clarity that they could have just happened. But they didn't, they're from a different time. And the glue that holds them together seems to give and flake away the more time that passes. So now the memories aren't as whole as what they once were, whats left is the question of what actually happened. What has my subconsciousness filled in? One night I walked down empty streets. Across fields wet with morning dew. Tiny yellow eyes poking out of bushes and trees. My path lit by the stars and moon. With just the music from my earphones. I can't remember if it was a winter or spring. And for what reason did I take that night for myself, to leave a memory that holds up as a wondrous moment of my adolescence. The stars shone brighter than you could imagine. Like tiny flecks of light from a sea now gone. The moon looming, a unmovable plate. Fields stretched on beyond the realms of possibility. I was lifted to the sky too tired to walk any more. Dancing on clouds and kissed the moon goodnight. Waving down to all beneath me. Only I walked the earth that night. But for all I know I could have been at home, tucked up in bed and that's where my dreams took me. I choose to remember that I did take that journey, that I was alone with my thoughts and the song still rings that I tearfully sung. In this perfect moment, a part of me will remain. Lost in time.